


Answers

by starmelee



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, Songfic, angsty, kind of sad, philosophical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-21 23:40:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11955135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starmelee/pseuds/starmelee
Summary: Roxas suddenly has a lot of opinions and Axel loves to hear them.Basically, a take on the time just before Roxas left the Organization, and how much of a (sad and guilty) dork Axel is. The song used here is Saturn by Sleeping At Last, my newest "listen to it for hours until I get sick of it" song.





	Answers

**Author's Note:**

> Another Akuroku thing that I just decided to write, because it's the only ship I've been inspired to write for lately. Tbh, this isn't even a shippy fic, I just needed to get some angst on a screen and roll with it.

_You taught me the courage of stars before you left._  
_How light carries on endlessly, even after death._  
_With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite._  
_How rare and beautiful it is to even exist._

“Hey Roxas,” Axel said, pulling his leg up on the side of the tower. “You know why the sun sets red?”

“Didn’t you already tell me this?” Roxas replied, rolling his eyes. “Because red travels the farthest and something about light and colors? I think this is the third time you’ve done this.” 

Axel laughed and nudged his best friend in jest. “Oh, shut up you smartass.” Though, he did grow silent for a few brief moments. “Do you know why people exist?” He decided to pose the question, entirely unprompted. 

Roxas had to look over to make sure that Axel was being serious, and then he glanced up to the purple sky. “I think it’s because the light needed a way to get through to the universe. I mean, with the heartless, darkness has a physical embodiment, too.”

“Interesting theory,” was the response, “But there are some holes. I think the heartless came after there were hearts to actually consume, right? So maybe people exist to be conductors of both. A physical way to demonstrate the battle between your heart and the darkness. People have a little bit of both, but we have to decide where we go, right? There are good people, and bad people. You have to chose what kind of person you have to be.”

They both took a moment to let that sink in. 

“But isn’t that a circumstance? It depends where you come from,” Roxas paused for a moment, “or it depends on what you know, what you remember. Sometimes you can’t make the “good choice” without a bad consequence, so doesn’t that negate the actual goodness of the choice? Is who someone is really always their choosing?” 

Axel let that sink in.

_I couldn’t help but ask_  
_For you to say it all again._  
_I tried to write it down_  
_But I could never find a pen._  
_I’d give anything to hear_  
_You say it one more time,_  
_That the universe was made_  
_Just to be seen by my eyes._

“Hey, Roxas,” Axel started the conversation as usual. “What do you think about being a nobody?” 

His friend sighed. “This again? Well, I think it’s kind of… sad. It’s like living again, but no one knows you. You have to exist knowing that you don’t have a past, or your past was so much better than the present, and there’s nothing you can do to change it, right? I don’t even understand what Kingdom Hearts is, or what it’ll do, but I just feel like it’s hopeless. That I- that we’re… perpetually stuck in a cycle of not knowing who we actually are, yet knowing exactly who we used to be. Or, not, in my case, but whatever.” 

It was like a drug to him now. Axel would always ask Roxas a serious question, and just listen. Whenever he asked, it just seemed like he learned. Where Roxas had even gained such an intense amount of philosophies is completely beyond him, but Axel always found them intense and striking, like they allowed him to see the world in a new light. Or a new darkness, depending on what kind of question and what kind of answer he received. It always had him wanting more of that insight, something he knew he’d always lacked. 

“Do you think Kingdom Hearts will help any of us?”

Roxas hummed quietly for a few moments. “Maybe. But like I said, I think it’s pretty much hopeless. I don’t think... “ he paused, then shook his head. “I don’t think we’ll ever do it. Something just tells me that we’re all in trouble.” 

Axel’s eyes widened. He hadn’t heard about Oblivion, had he? Carefully, he looked to the side and observed Roxas’s face. He seemed distraught, his brows drawn together, eyes focused on the sky overhead, but he didn’t look accusational. At least something seemed to be going his way, but Roxas always seemed so distant, almost like he was turning back into a zombie. Well, a zombie without the seemingly complete lack of understanding towards how people really function. 

“Rox,” Axel waved a hand in front of Roxas’s face. “Roxy,” he tried again when he didn’t get a response. “Roxas,” he tried a final time, snapping his fingers. 

“Huh? Oh, sorry Axel. Anyway, you got any other questions?”

Yeah, he wanted to say, what’s going on with you? 

Instead, he went with “so what do you think the secret ingredient in sea salt ice cream is?”

Roxas just laughed. “I dunno, probably just a good balance of salt and sugar, right? Because they’re sweet and salty.” 

Axel smiled. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

_I couldn’t help but ask_  
_For you to say it all again._  
_I tried to write it down_  
_But I could never find a pen._  
_I’d give anything to hear_  
_You say it one more time,_  
_That the universe was made_  
_Just to be seen by my eyes._

“Hey Roxas, what do you think will happen if we stop being friends?” It was late into the night in Twilight Town, far past their curfews, but they had the next day off together. 

Roxas frowned. “I don’t think we could even stop being friends if we tried,” that made Axel cringe internally, “but if it were to happen, I think I’d probably dissolve into the darkness, or something dramatic like that. You… you’re special, important to me.”

His next words had to be chosen carefully. “You’re important to me too, Rox.”

It was the last conversation they had, really. Roxas left before Axel woke up the next morning, and when he’d finally managed to locate the escapee, it seemed that his best friend had plans other than what was intended for him. 

“You can’t turn on the Organization! You get on their bad side and they’ll destroy you!” Or they’d make Axel destroy him, for the sake of his own life. 

“No one’s going to miss me,” Roxas countered bitterly, not even halting his fast pace to talk.

“That’s not true.” Axel said quietly as he watched Roxas’s retreating form. “I would.”

_With shortness of breath, I’ll explain the infinite_  
_How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist._

Fire, weapons, light, and darkness.

Sora reminded him so intensely of Roxas it almost made his chest hurt. He was a little more experienced in battle, but Axel could see all of his friend’s moves entwined with Sora’s own battle style. It was hard to fight, but he knew he deserved this, and he hoped that Roxas was watching, so that he could see the remorse in Axel’s eyes before he dissolved into darkness. 

There it was, the keyblade to the torso that Axel had been waiting for during the whole battle. He was on the ground, he blinked and then he could just see it. Light. 

“I hope you find your balance, Sora. You won’t win until you find out how to be the better person.” Axel paused, then started again. “Goodbye Roxas, see you in the next life.” 

Maybe they would both have hearts. Maybe they would both be able to live in harmony, be actual friends as somebodies. Maybe they would be able to do more than sit at the top of a tower and eat ice cream every day. Maybe they’d be able to fall in love. 

The world finally faded to black and white.


End file.
